Wagnervana - The Beginning

The Beginning

The idea of this play is simple. A writer has been commissioned to write a “modernized” version of the nativity story, so that kids nowadays can understand the story better. As he wrestles with modernizing the story, he always ends up back at the original version of each scene. The idea is that in spite of his efforts, the story is best as is. The scene is the writer center stage, down front. As he works through his ideas, they are enacted (as such) behind him on the stage by the actors (costumed accordingly). It’s as though they are his imagination.

[Man sits at a computer, extreme downstage, middle. He faces the audience, behind him the stage is bare. On table is a bible also.]

Writer: [on phone, pacing] Yes, Mr. Dunwoody, I understand the project…an updated, modern version of the nativity. One the kids can understand, in their words. Gotcha. Now when you say updated, do you mean set in modern times? In present day Bethlehem? Well, sir, I can’t exactly picture Mary and Joseph toting around machine guns….I’ll see what I can do. Yes Mr. Dunwoody. I’m on it. Goodbye.

[Sits down at desk in front of computer]

OK, let’s see…a modern version of the nativity story… “Spice it up, man! Give it some oomph, some humor. Make it so the kids will enjoy it and understand it!” Fair enough. I am a professional writer; I should be able to bring this story up to date. Add a little 21^st century into the mix. No problem. OK…where should I start? Nativity. Hmm.

Ok, Mary and the angel. [Begins typing on keyboard and talking at same time, enter Mary and Angel on stage, costumed] Let’s see, first, the angel tells Mary she will have a baby. Now, in the original the angel visited her in person. How would he tell her today? Would he visit her in person or try another method? How about…[begins typing]

[Angel and Mary take out cell phones, and hold them to their ears]

Writer: “Collect call from an angel, will you accept the charges?” [Mary nods] No, that’s ridiculous. [Mary and Angel put phones back in pockets] Email? No. Aha! A telegram! [Angel pulls a telegram from pocket and hands it to Mary, who begins to read it]

Mary: Hail Mary. Stop. Blessed art thou. Stop.

Writer: No, that doesn’t work either. [Mary pockets telegram] Well, looks like he’ll have to visit her in person after all. OK, in the original version, what did the Angel say? Let’s see…[looks at open bible next to him on table]

Angel: [to Mary] Hail, thou art highly favored, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women.

Writer: Well, first off, sorry King James, but no one talks like that anymore. Let’s try this….

Angel: [to Mary] Hello, Mary. You are…

Writer: Uh…let’s see… “Highly favored?” What would he say today..? “Highly favored”...hmm…how about….[types]

Angel: Hello Mary. You are greatly esteemed…

Writer: No…

Angel: You’re just great!

Writer: No, no…

Angel: …Awesome…

Writer: No…

Angel: A cool woman.

Writer: Please! Get real!

Angel: Hello, Mary. You are…highly favored.

Writer: Actually, I kind of like the original. “Highly favored” it is.

Angel: You are highly favored, and the Lord is with you.

Writer: Ok… “Blessed art thou among women.” Hmm…[types]

Angel: You are seriously blessed!

Writer: No…

Angel: When it comes to blessings, lady, you take the cake.

Writer: No…

Angel: Among women, you are the cats’ meow…

Writer: Come on, think…think…[types]

Angel: Hello, Mary. You are highly favored, and the Lord is with you. You are truly blessed among all women.

Writer: Once again, the original sounds good to me. Ok…[types] Narrator says…

[Enter Narrator (with “Narrator” t-shirt on)]

Narrator: “Mary heard the greeting, and was bothered by it, wondering what strange type of greeting it was.” [Exit Narrator]

[Mary on stage gets puzzled look on face. Writer continues to type]

Angel: [to Mary] Don’t be afraid, Mary. You have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive and have a son, and his name will be Jesus. He will be great…

Writer: Grrr! Think modern! How would he say it today?

Angel: His name will be Jesus. He will be the bomb!

Writer: Uh uh….

Angel: He will flat out rock!

Writer: No, no, no.

Angel: He will be seriously great!

Writer: Close…let’s take the “seriously” out for a second here…

Angel: He will be great.

Writer: Hmm. “He will be great.” I guess that’s ideal. [Types]

Angel: His name will be Jesus. He will be great, and be called the Son of the Highest, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his father David.

Writer: And Mary says…[looks at bible as Mary says…]

Mary: Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it unto me according to thy word.

Writer: Hmm…let’s see…Nowadays, she would say…[types]

Mary: I’m your lady!

Writes: No…

Mary: Ok, where do I sign?

Writer: No…

Mary: Bring it!

Writer: Come on, man! Let’s try not to be disrespectful here! How would she accept the idea…[ponders, then types]

Mary: Behold God’s servant. Let it happen according to his will.

Writer: Fair enough. Probably best not to tamper too much with the original there…OK...so…[begins typing] cue the lights…some soft music in background, and….

[Angel exits, lights dim, soft music begins, Mary kneels. Enter Angel, approaches Mary. Mary sees Angel and rises, facing him]

Angel: Hello, Mary. You are highly favored, and the Lord is with you. You are truly blessed among all women.

Narrator: [voice from offstage] Mary heard the greeting, and was troubled by it, wondering what strange type of greeting it was.

Angel: Don’t be afraid, Mary. You have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive and have a son, and his name will be Jesus. He will be great, and be called the Son of the Highest, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his father David. And he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.

Mary: How can this happen, since I am a virgin?

Angel: The Holy Ghost will rest upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you. All things are possible with God

Mary: [After pondering] Behold God’s servant. Let it happen according to his will.

[Exit Angel, and then exit Mary, lights come up, music fades]

Writer: Ok, that will work. Next…[Types] Narrator says…

Narrator: [Enter] In those days, Caesar Augustus gave the decree that all the world should be taxed. So everyone returned to his own hometown to register.

[Exit Narrator, enter Mary and Joseph. Mary is pregnant]

Writer: Ok, so, Mary is pregnant and just about to give birth. They’re on foot?

Mary: Well, we certainly didn’t walk the whole way.

Writer: But I can’t have a donkey on stage. Well, it is a kids play, so how about… [Types]

[A stagehand comes out and hands Mary a “horse head on a stick” She glances at the audience, eyebrows raised]

Writer: No, that would ruin the effect. We can’t get silly. [Stagehand takes horse stick and exits] Well, I’ll have it so that they just arrived. She has already dismounted. Joseph goes to check on a room at the inn. Let’s see…[checks the bible] The Bible doesn’t describe this exchange…I guess I’ll have to wing it.

[Joseph leaves Mary standing stage left, goes stage right toward Inn Keeper, who has entered stage Right]

Joseph: Hello…are you the Inn Keeper?

Inn Keeper: Well, I’m certainly not King Herod!

Writer: Hmm…well, Mr. Dunwoody said to add some humor…maybe it would work here. [types]

Joseph: We just flew in from Nazareth…and boy are our arms tired!

Writer: No, that’s ridiculous. How about…

Joseph: [Motions to Mary] Take my wife…please!

Writer: I don’t think so. Let’s get to the point here…

Joseph: Hello, are you the Inn Keeper?

Inn Keeper: Yes sir…

Joseph: I’m in desperate need of a room. My wife is having a baby.

Mary: Ask him if they have cable!

Writer: No, that won’t work…

Joseph: I’m in desperate need of a room. My wife is having a baby.

Inn Keeper: Wish I could help you, sir. But we have no rooms left. Christmas is our busiest time of the year. Unless you have a reservation, you’ll have to go elsewhere.

Writer: Grrr! No, no, no! Man, humor just doesn’t seem to fit here. Let’s try this….

Inn Keeper: Well, we have no room in the Inn left, but we have a stinky, dirty old barn in the back. 29 bucks a night.

Joseph: [To Inn Keeper] The barn? Do we look like cattle to you?

Writes: It’s just not a funny story! [stands up, paces] How can you take this story and try to make it funny? It’s too serious. It’s not supposed to be funny. What, it has to be funny, or kids won’t watch it? Come on, that’s not giving today’s kids any credit. I can keep it serious. [sits back down]

Joseph: [To Inn Keeper] Well, can you at least call me a cab?

Inn Keeper: Ok…you’re a cab.

Writer: Grrrr. Why does the dialog have to be so hard to write here. [thinks] Let’s wait on the dialog…how will the stage look?

[Enter stage hands, setting up simple manger set, center stage. Some crates in a semi-circle or some such]

Writer: No…maybe not center stage; let’s shift them stage right a bit more. [Types, stagehands scoot manger over] Ok, that will work. Hey, let’s try this… [types]

[Stage hands leave, lights dim a bit, soft Christmas music fades in, Mary and Joseph leave, then re-enter stage left, Inn Keeper re-enters stage right, and crosses upstage toward Mary and Joseph. Joseph helps Mary walk, as they approach the Inn Keeper. The following scene takes place just with music and no dialog. Joseph “talks” to Inn Keeper, motioning toward Mary (who is on his arm). Inn Keeper shakes his head, and points to manger, then leads them over, with arms crossed, shrugs shoulders in a kind of “take it or leave it” gesture. Then Inn Keeper walks away. Joseph and Mary stand looking at the manger. Mary covers her face and weeps on Josephs shoulder, he consoles her briefly. He helps her sit down. Lights fade, music fades. Then lights come up again, and stage crew enters to remove the manger scene, and Mary and Joseph exits stage left as Writer says…]

Writer: Ok, that will work. I like that scene without dialog. Ok, what’s next? [Looks into Bible] Aha, the angels and the shepherds. [Enter three shepherds and one angel, stand center stage, facing audience] Ok, three shepherds…one angel. Now…[consults bible] “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.” [types]

Shepherd 1: Hey guys, did you count the sheep yet?

Shepherd 2: I keep trying, but I fall asleep every time.

Writer: Now that’s kind of funny….

Shepherd 1: Are you guys ready to cut the wool off the sheep tomorrow?

Shepherd 2: It will be a shear pleasure. Yuk yuk yuk!

Shepherd 1: [rolls eyes] Anyways, we’ll be moving the flock in the morning.

Shepherd 2: So I herd. Get it? “Herd”?

Shepherd 1: Do you ever stop?

Writer: That’s enough of that…

Shepherd 3: Gentlemen, I have a question….

Writer: “Gentlemen”? Too polite…[types]

Shepherd 3: All right…listen up, bozos…

Writer: Nope…too harsh.

Shepherd 3: Hey guys, can I ask you something?

Shepherd 2: Sure, what is it?

Shepherd 3: You guys ever see an angel before?

Shepherd 1: No, why do you ask?

Shepherd 3: [Motions with thumb over shoulder toward angel]

[Shepherds huddle together in fear. Writer consults Bible again]

Writer: Let’s see…in the original, it says…

Angel: Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

Writer: Hmm…let’s tidy that up a bit here…[types]

Angel: Relax fellas…

Writer: Oops…Took it too far…try it again here…

Angel: Don’t be afraid…I bring you great news. It will change the world. The Savior has been born tonight in Bethlehem; he is Christ the Lord.

Shepherd 1: How will we find him?

Angel: [Hands on hips] I’m getting to that part.

Writer: No, strike that last line. [types]

Angel: He is Christ the Lord. You’ll find the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

Shepherd 1: “Swaddling clothes”?

Writer: “Swaddling clothes”? How exactly does one “swaddle”? [Shrugs, types]

Angel: You will find the baby wrapped in a warm blanket, lying in a manger.

Writer: That will work. Ok, narrator says…[Enter Narrator]

Narrator: Suddenly, there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God. [Exit Narrator]

Writer: Hmmm. How do I show a multitude of angels? A backdrop? A thousand extras? I got it…I’ll use music…ok, let’s see if this will work…

[Exit angel, Shepherds gather, talking silently among themselves, stage lights dim a bit, spotlight on Angel, as he enters stage right. Shepherds see him and are afraid.]

Angel: Don’t be afraid…I bring you great news. It will change the world. The Savior has been born tonight in Bethlehem; he is Christ the Lord. You will find the baby wrapped in a warm blanket, lying in a manger.

Narrator: [From off stage] Suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God.

[Hallelujah chorus begins loudly, Angel spreads arms out majestically, shepherds look around in fear. After approx 10 seconds of music, Angel exits, music fades, shepherds speak]

Shepherd 3: Quick, let’s go to Bethlehem, and see this wonderful thing that has happened, which the Lord has shown us!

[Shepherds exit, lights return to “normal.” Writer stands and paces]

Writer: You know, this is really a remarkable story. Its so complete…why update it? Why try and modernize it? [picks up phone, dials] Grrr…voice mail! Oh well [taps foot, waits a moment] Hi, this message is for Mr. Dunwoody. I’ve come to the conclusion that the nativity story is perfect the way it is. It doesn’t need to be updated. The kids will understand it just fine. God got it right the first time. Good-bye.

[Sits back down and begins typing. Christmas carol begins. On stage, stagehands set up nativity scene. Nativity actors move into place. Mary, Joseph, center, with the baby. Shepherds move into position around them, angels stand around the perimeter. Kings slowly enter with gifts and stand to one side. Mary holds up the baby for Joseph and the others to see. Pause. Fade lights on stage, spot on Writer]

Writer: The end. No, wait. [Erases, Pause, retypes] The beginning.

[Lights up on stage again. Nativity is still in place. Writer enters scene carefully, and approaches Mary. Motions toward Mary, asking if he may hold the baby Jesus. She hands the baby to the Writer. He holds the baby and addresses audience.]

Writer: What a story. The God of Creation voluntarily becomes a helpless baby. This really was the beginning.

[Angel 3 comes forward]

Angel 3: For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given. The government shall be upon his shoulder. And his name will be called…

Shepherd 2: Wonderful.

Shepherd 1: Counselor.

Joseph: The Mighty God.

Mary: The Everlasting Father.

Writer: The Prince of Peace.

Angel 3: Of the increase of his government and of peace there shall be no end.

[Music comes back up, stage crew, Inn Keeper and Narrator all enter so everyone is on stage. They all bow. End of story. Fade lights. Cue thunderous applause.]